A contentious divorce or painful post-divorce legal conflicts will have negative effects on young adult children. For example, consider a child who is going to college for the first time. Many questions will arise: who is going to buy the clothes, the bedding, the bedroom supplies, etc. Who will take the child to school? Unfortunately, when parents are involved in legal disputes, this is often not an event that both parents do together. During this stressful time, children may also worry about parents left behind who are in a state of anger or turmoil due to the vicious back and forth of the adversarial litigation process.

Fortunately, the college-bound kid is probably distracted enough by school to put these family issues on the back burner until the first holiday break: Thanksgiving. But for the college freshman, Thanksgiving can become a dreaded event rather than a happy homecoming if there are ongoing bickering between parents. What should be simple requests, like needing money to spend, can become an exercise in stress and guilt. Many young adults are well aware of their parents’ financial difficulties, especially when the difficulties are caused by the destructive and vindictive behavior of one parent, which all too often turns into a game of trying to bankrupt the other. dad. The chances of a court case being completed in those short two months between the start of school and Thanksgiving are slim to none.

So when divorce or post-divorce matters are handled contentiously, especially if the goal is to destroy each other out of spite, adult children also suffer. Too often, parents may think escaping to college protects the adult child, but the resume ceases when the child needs something or comes home from college.

There will always be life events, such as a recital, a bar mitzvah, a college opening, a wedding, or the birth of a grandchild, and hate breeds hate and permeates these blessed events. A parent can put on a fake smile or try to be polite to the “enemy” ex-spouse, but you can’t fool an adult child. Litigation is an ongoing and destructive force for all parties involved.

A constructive option for resolving divorce or post-divorce disputes is the mediation process. Mediation works to resolve issues without the hate, revenge and cost of litigation and is the path to peace that all parties should seek to protect their children for the mistakes of their lives. One thing is for sure: do you want the memory of sending your child to the next step in his life forever tainted because his parents think of war for peace when trying to solve their problems? Choose mediation to protect your children from the legal process: your children are never too old to feel the pain of their parents.