The Bible tells us that God has given us “all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him” who saved us (2 Peter 1:3). In fact, the Scriptures say that all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are found in Jesus Christ our Lord (Col. 2:3). Ultimately, each area of ​​life must be ordered by the word of God and the example of Jesus; including the interaction between single men and women.

Now, many will respond to this statement with a shrug; “Of course,” they say, “every Christian should love his neighbor as himself, thinking of others more than himself and looking out for the best interests of his brother or sister. What’s New ?” Well, the biblical principle of selfless love is certainly a good place to start when looking at how single men and women should treat each other. But the Bible also makes it clear that we learn to walk in selfless love (or any other godly character trait) by imitating the Lord’s example and the example of godly leadership. In other words, if we want to know how a single person should treat a member of the opposite sex, we must first recognize the Lord’s example and imitate it (Ephesians 5:1, 1 Corinthians 11:1).

I recently read an article in a leading Christian magazine that discussed dating. The article asserted that dating relationships between Christian singles should be healthy (whatever that means), loving, giving, and Christ-like. However, the article never went so far as to define any of the recommendations. He said that when a couple breaks up, it can cause a lot of tension if they both attend the same church. This is due to the affective ties that have been formed in their healthy, loving, generous and Christian relationship -which more than 50% of the time (according to the “latest” statistics), has included healthy, loving, generous and Christ- as the physical intimacy. Houston, we have a problem.

I don’t mean to be sarcastic (well, actually I am, but I hope it’s godly sarcasm), but I think it’s about time we woke up and smelled the coffee. We like to pretend that if we dress in worldly ways in Christian garb (healthy, loving, generous, and Christ-like), we have discovered a godly alternative to the worldly status quo. This is simply not true. Like so many things in life, the Church needs to start from scratch, discover the example of Christ, and move forward from there. (1)

Now, you may be thinking that the Bible doesn’t provide any examples of godly dating relationships. If that’s what you think, you’re basically right. Quotations, in the modern American sense, are never modeled on the Bible. However, what we might call courtship certainly is. And the example we want to briefly summarize is the courtship of Christ and his true love, the Church.

Throughout the Old Testament we see the Lord God courting and courting a Bride for Himself from among Humanity. The outstanding feature of his courtship is His unwavering devotion to the one he loves. Even when Ella turns her back on him and prostitutes herself to other lovers, the Lord God refuses to give up. Yes, She is punished, yes, She is pruned and reduced to a faithful remnant; but finally God remains faithful to the one whom he had persecuted from the beginning.

In the New Testament, God’s purpose becomes clearer and we come to understand that the persecutor had always been God the Son. Likewise, we see that the Beloved has forever been a remnant, a “grain dragged through the husk” (Rom. 9:6). (2) Finally, the courtship concludes with the Son sacrificing his life for his Beloved. It is not until He does so that the Beloved is completely enraptured by his love and becomes his Bride.

So how do we imitate Christ’s example in this? Are Christian singles required to avoid any type of “premarital” relationship with the opposite sex? However, none of us is omniscient; How are Christian men and women supposed to know who is the right one without some sort of preliminary relationship to marriage? Obviously we cannot perfectly reflect the example of Christ; we are limited by our humanity. However, we certainly can (and should) get closer to the mark, and that will separate us from the ways of the world by a wide margin.

A main aspect of Christ’s example is in His purpose; He wasn’t chasing the Beloved just for something to do on Saturday night. His goal was the marriage from start to finish. He wasn’t interested in keeping him single so he could play the field. I realize that there are Christian brothers and sisters who are called to remain single for the sake of the kingdom. However, someone who is called to be celibate doesn’t really have to develop close relationships with the opposite sex in the first place. If you do, you’re just asking for trouble. (3) Celibate brothers and sisters, you cannot have your cake and eat it too.

I guess we should look at this as an “either/or” thing. Unless God has called you to remain single, then you need to get on the stick and find a spouse. I don’t mean that you should run out and pick someone at random (“Hello, my name is Harvey, will you marry me?”), and I don’t mean that if you stay single for a long time, you somehow lose God’s will in their life. I’m talking about an attitude here. If you want to follow God’s lead in this, then you need to put the whole “recreational dating” idea to rest and focus on finding the person you want to marry. That will certainly require dating of some kind, but there’s really no place for long-term relationships without marriage or playing the field just for the thrill of the chase. Also, it may take a while to find the person you want to marry. The moment is in God’s hands, not yours. Your responsibility is to have the mind of Christ and imitate him as faithfully as possible. God will take care of the rest.

Another facet of Christ’s example that stands out is his refusal to be physically intimate with the Beloved before the wedding. We are obviously dealing with symbolism here; Christ and his Church do not have a physical relationship per say. (4) However, when we remember that the marriage relationship of a man and his wife is symbolic of the relationship of Christ and his Church, we can perform a bit of reverse application and come to the same conclusion. In other words, the covenant sexual relationship of a husband and wife illustrates the intimacy of Christ and the Church with him; we are one with Him, He is the head of the Body and we are united with Him.

Now, when do we enter or enter into this relationship with Christ? Collectively speaking, intimate relations between the Bride and the Bridegroom did not begin until He died and rose again and went to receive a kingdom. Once that “event” had taken place, the Church was of legal age, the wedding party was celebrated and the relationship was consummated. There was no “smooching” before the Lord accomplished his task.

From the point of view of the individual, we do not enter into the relationship until we have been brought out of the realm of darkness and reborn in the realm of light. Christ does not “play” with us before we confess him as Lord and believe that God raised him from the dead (Romans 10:9). we are a new creation in Christ, we are at war with God, hating everything about Him and desperately trying to suppress all knowledge of Him (Rom. 1:18-ff, 8:7, Col 1:21 and etc.).

In short, here we have another situation of one or the other. Either a man and a woman have joined in marriage, or their relationship must be strictly “hands-off.” There is no good reason for a physical relationship, of any kind, before the wedding night. Without the protection of the marriage covenant, a physical relationship causes emotional and spiritual damage (primarily to the young woman), and is inherently selfish, self-centered, and selfish (primarily on the part of the young man). (5)

Lest this essay take too long, I will end with this final observation: Christ did not persecute his beloved until he was in a position to care for her properly. Clearly, God the Son was ready for marriage from all eternity. However, that doesn’t make his example any less relevant. Christ was ready for marriage when he sought out his Beloved. He was not unemployed, emotionally immature, or a schoolboy struggling to pass advanced math. He was “older” and ready to take on the responsibility of a Bride. Go and do the same.

In his letter to the Corinthian Church, Paul exhorts the Corinthian believers to “imitate me even as I imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). It is time for Christian singles to follow Christ’s example so that others in turn can follow his godly model. It is also time for the Church to provide the teaching, and emotional support, that our single brothers and sisters need to succeed in battle. I pray that this short essay will be a step in that direction.
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1. I am fully aware that several books have been written on the subject of dating, courtship, and marriage from a biblical perspective. See for example; Joshua Harris, I kissed myself dating goodbye, (Sisters OR.: Multnomah Books), 1997; Robert Andrews, The family: God’s weapon for victory(Rice Wa.: Sentinel Press), 1995, Douglas Wilson, her hand in marriage, (Moscow: Cannon Press), 1996 and etc. My goal here is to provide a brief discussion of the topic for those who may not have considered the topic before.

2. Benjamin B Warfield, The works of Benjamin B. Warfield(1929; Grand Rapids: Baker Book House), 1991, 2:52.

3. The Bible does not say that if someone is called to celibacy, he loses all sexual desire. Obviously, God could remove a person’s sexual desire if he wanted to, but the Bible nowhere indicates that such a thing is the norm.

4. There are certainly physical aspects to our relationship with Christ. We participate in a communion meal that uses physical bread and wine. We can enjoy physical blessings of health or material gains, etc. The point being made here is that the Bride (a corporate entity) does not sensually experience the caress of the Lord; she is a spiritual reality.

5. In truth, both parties are emotionally and spiritually damaged in a physical premarital relationship. However, the nature of the damage is gender specific.