No one wants to talk anymore and it’s something we’ve become very comfortable avoiding. Part of being an adult is knowing how to communicate effectively. The question is why don’t we?

When we were children we were accused of having our parents as a safety net; There to catch us when we fall. They corrected us when we made a mistake. They hugged us when we cried. This is why so many people love social media so much. It allows us to throw tantrums and scream when we don’t get our way because for many of us it is a surrogate parent. A place to project all our insecurities in exchange for the attention and affection that the real father never gave.

Children throw tantrums for various reasons. They are often tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. It is common during the second and third years of life, when language skills begin to develop. Because young children cannot yet say what they want, feel, or need, the expectation is that parents understand what they are trying to communicate and be complicit. Like children’s tantrums, adults do the same. It’s called complaining. Many adults don’t see adulthood as a real responsibility, but rather as a hobby. That’s why one of the biggest struggles for adults is how we communicate. Instead of stating a wish or thought outright, we push or signal in the right direction, letting the other person discover it for themselves. We don’t discuss the things that bother us and instead choose to find passive, aggressive and petty ways to make people angry so that we feel justified in our complaints.

Here’s why it’s toxic: We strive to behave as adults should without worrying only about complaining when faced with the consequences that are the result of this type of carelessness and irresponsibility. We don’t want to do things the way our parents did because we feel that we are not only smarter than them, but that we are happier doing things our way. We have been on this ego trip since we were kids. We like to take pride in things that indicate we are in line with where we ‘should be’ in life. Behaving in this way has not only made us more stubborn and lazy, but we are also going backwards for it. In this digital age, we avoid direct communication at all costs. No one wants to be the first person to answer the phone. We’d rather send a text or email than have a conversation in person. This is why there are countless memes on the Internet. It has become easier to communicate how we feel about something through the passive and aggressive posting of images containing text captions. It has created this fragmented way of thinking in the box; we’re not really interested in doing anything right; we just want to be right without any objection.

But, no matter how valid our feelings may be regarding certain situations, this type of behavior encourages a lack of personal responsibility. While our adult insecurities lead to defensiveness and self-righteousness, everyone involved in a communication problem bears some degree of responsibility. So no matter how much adulterating may upset you: effective communication is extremely important. The talks are not an act of war, therefore they do not pose a threat to you. A conversation is a two-way street where the course of management is to listen and understand as much as you speak. Whether personal or professional, they are essential. You must be clear and intentional in speaking and expressing yourself without hesitation or misunderstanding, making sure to listen and address the other person’s concerns. It is an art that develops over time but it is necessary and feasible.

The accountability that comes with this is ownership of the results of what is communicated. If you don’t, you almost never get the results you’re looking for and no one wins. Not even you.

Understanding the world around us requires meaningful conversation. Not only is it fun and contagious, but it allows you to become the kind of adult you need to be.