Sometimes I get emails from wives who feel like they have lost the battle to support their husband after his affair. Sometimes he is not willing to give up the other woman and believes that he will be happier if he leaves her wife and moves in with her.

I recently heard from a wife who said, “My husband has been having an eight-month affair with a woman from his work. At first, he told me he was going to break up with her and try to save our marriage. But eventually, it turned into a lot. “It was obvious he wasn’t going to leave her. He was still calling, texting and emailing her and covering his tracks so badly that I don’t think he minded one bit if I found out. I eventually confronted him and he admitted he just wasn’t there.” not sure which one of us he really wanted. He told me that even though he wanted me too, he just couldn’t walk away from her. Last week, he came home and announced that he couldn’t live one more lie, so he was going to move out and go to move in with her. I’m beside myself because it looks like he’s made his decision. I’m sure this is the beginning of the end of our marriage and eventually he will distance himself from our children and be more of a father to his children. than for yours. All of this makes me sick. What I can do? I just have to accept this?”

You don’t have to accept it forever, but you may need to adopt a long-term strategy instead of a short-term strategy if you want to turn things around over time. I’m not going to tell you that it’s impossible to talk him out of moving in with her, but this strategy often has a lower success rate because there’s often a point early on where he really thinks he’s in love and I can’t. live without her. Unfortunately, there is little you can do at that point to make him think otherwise. And even when you’re successful, he can be resentful if he thinks you’re pushing him away from her. He can also make her seem even more forbidden and therefore attractive and desirable.

Decisions you have to make when he moves out to be with the other woman: Many wives in this situation are still very sure that they still want to be with their husband once he realizes how wrong he is. And some women aren’t sure about waiting for him to come back because the betrayal runs too deep. It’s a situation to have an affair and then quickly decide to end things completely because you want to save your marriage. But it’s a whole different situation when he can’t seem to let her go and goes so far as to move in with her.

I can’t tell you which way to go or answer. Much of this depends on how you still feel about him and how stubborn you are to save your marriage. I can tell you that if you are one of those women who harbors hope somewhere deep inside for your marriage, you are not alone and your feelings are completely understandable. And I can tell you that there are plenty of men who move out to be with the other woman only to come home with their tails between their legs some time later.

See, sometimes it takes the experience of getting blown up in the face for him to see where he belongs and who he belongs with. And frankly, sometimes this works to your advantage because he can’t deny how deeply he’s messed things up, which puts you in a better position in the long run. It is not uncommon for a man to see who the other woman is once he lives with her. And he guess what? That forbidden, wrong relationship is suddenly official and open, so it’s not that exciting anymore. Not only that, but the other woman moves into the “lady of the house” position, which, frankly, can make her seem less attractive at times.

Whether this means that you’ll be willing to accept him once he’s ready to come home, well, only you can make that decision. There are plenty of marriages that make it through these circumstances, but the ones that make it often get some kind of help getting by. There will be a lot of damage that needs to be repaired. You can’t just pretend that she never existed or that your marriage is exactly the same. It’s likely to require a great deal of work and can be downright painful and uncomfortable at first. But for those who are willing to go through these difficulties, a stronger marriage is often the result, although these results are usually not easy or quick.

And, while he is away and living with someone else, my best advice would be to focus on yourself. Don’t constantly check on him or try to make him come back and feel guilty. Make him believe that you are moving on with your life and that you are attractive and respectable enough to live that life without him. He doesn’t have to know that one day you might have a contingency plan that may or may not include him. But getting up and living your life will help make things bearable while he’s gone, give you a head start on your life in case this process takes longer than you expected, and put you in a better position with him because he will see that you are not at home waiting for his return. Because when you are, he really has no incentive to make a decision or make a move.