I often get emails from women who tell me that their husband’s infidelity has shaken their faith in their marriage and in themselves. She worries that they are no longer attractive, competent, and sexy. I often hear comments like “I feel so ugly and undesirable.” Or “how could I have been so stupid? This has affected the way I feel about myself” or “I’ve always had self-confidence and reasonably high self-esteem, but this affair has made me doubt my own attractiveness. I’m so insecure right now and it makes me angry and sad.

In the following article, I will offer some tips on how to overcome these feelings in order to restore your self-esteem, self-esteem, and self-respect.

Understand that their deception often has very little to do with you: A lot of wives don’t believe me when I say this, but very often, their cheating isn’t a direct result of anything to do with you or your marriage. Many people will tell me this makes absolutely no sense, but if you do a little research, you’ll see that most men have affairs or cheat as a way to calm their own doubts or concerns.

If you read interviews (and even the comments on my blog) of men who cheated, you will almost overwhelmingly see that after the fact they are very sorry and still love their wives, but were looking for some relief from their own problems. in the wrong place. They will usually only realize this once the mistake has been made, unfortunately.

I know it’s almost impossible not to take this personally, but if you could read your husband’s thoughts, you could see that his actions were the result of his own insecurities and personal issues. Now, that’s not to say that your marriage or your relationship doesn’t need some work or improvements. But at the heart of this problem are often the actions of a confused, impulsive and often remorseful man. He does not mistake this for any deficiency on his part. These shortcomings very often just aren’t there and there’s no reason for you to take even more on his shoulders when these actions aren’t yours.

Don’t base your feelings about yourself on someone else’s inappropriate actions: To expand on this even further, try to think of this as if you weren’t the one involved. What if your best friend was in the same situation and came to you for advice? You would probably tell her that her husband’s big mistake doesn’t mean that she has something wrong and that she is, in fact, a beautiful person inside and out, right? Why doesn’t this same advice apply to you?

You are still the same person you were the day before you found out about his deception. Yes, there have been difficult moments and there are difficult problems that you will have to solve, but do not let some actions that you did not take and that you had no control over affect the way you feel about yourself. You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to apologize for.

Their mistake does not mean that you are less beautiful, less intelligent, and that you have any reason not to feel as confident as you have always felt. You are not the person whose actions have made them seem less attractive and less intelligent. That would be your husband. You may think about forgiving this and you may not. But who you are doesn’t need to change. Always protect your well-being. You owe it to yourself and you deserve this inner peace.

Be as selfish as necessary to safeguard your self-esteem: There is nothing wrong with concentrating on yourself right now. In fact, I often encourage just this. Sure, your marriage may also need your attention in the coming days and months. But nothing should be as important right now as yourself. He has received a very cruel blow, and as a result, he must be kind to himself. I know that many times it is your inclination to focus on it, but you must also give yourself the same attention and care.

You should be as kind and loving to yourself as you can. Because if you move forward with doubts and insecurities, this is going to negatively affect every area of ​​your life. You don’t deserve this. Restoring your confidence and self-esteem will affect many other areas of your recovery. It will make this process easier and make any future decisions easier.

And it is important that you do this for yourself and no one else. Dig deep to discover what will restore your confidence and peace in your heart. I worked on my personal appearance, but I limited myself to the things that bothered me long before my husband cheated on me. This helped. But it was the personal care work that helped me the most because it reinforced the belief that I was worth these efforts and that I had made myself strong enough to face whatever came my way. This, in turn, helped make moving forward a little easier.