The other day, I received an email from a wife whose husband had been unfaithful. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay in the marriage or not. But he wanted my advice on whether he should tell his family about the infidelity or not. I will share with you what I told him in the next article.

Should you tell your family about the adventure ?: This article will probably not be very long because I have a very short and dry answer to this and that answer is no. This is why. First of all, he did not know if he was referring to his immediate family (ie children) or his extended family (ie mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, in-laws, etc.). However, in terms of children, they should never be brought to this one. This is in no way your fault and this is by no means a topic that is appropriate for children. There are things that children don’t need to know about their parents and this is one of those things.

In terms of extended family, I understand that sometimes you want their support (me too). I understand that sometimes you feel like this could help them understand why you are at a crossroads in marriage or why things are different. But here’s the problem. You have no way of knowing how you are going to feel about this in a few months or even a few years. You may still be married and just want to heal or move on. Or you may be in a new relationship. Either way, do you still want to be questioned about this? It will be much more difficult to leave this behind if everyone knows about it.

Also, this can change the way the family feels about their spouse. If you’re going to fix things with him, this is probably not what you want for the future. I have a friend who told her mother about her husband’s infidelity and now the mother never misses an opportunity to hit her husband or throw suspicious looks or “I told you so” looks. This creates a conflict that didn’t really have to happen.

Now, it may be obvious to your family that something is happening. They are likely to ask. It’s okay to admit that you’re having a bad marriage streak, but you don’t need to say anything more. If pressured, just say “Thank you very much for your concern, but I am going to keep my marriage private. However, I would appreciate your support as I struggle with this.”

Understandably, you want someone you can share this with. I recommend a neutral coworker (who you don’t know and will never date) to your husband or a counselor who doesn’t really know them. Because, there will probably come a time when you wish you had never told your family, but you can’t take this back. It is better never to cross that line. Because once you do, there is often no going back and the relationship and perceptions often change forever. Your marriage must be between you and your spouse and no one else.