Daria and Alvin’s love story
Daria and Alvin went online on one of the websites where people exchange languages. It was March 2014 and at that time she lived in Harbin (North China) and he in Shanghai. They have started exchanging letters and emails as friends. After several months, they couldn’t imagine life without each other’s messages. In the summer of 2014, she convinced her to move to Shanghai. It was a very bold decision for her to go alone to a big city with a guy she had never met in real life, but it felt so good that she didn’t hesitate. She quit her job in Harbin, she said goodbye to her friends and moved to Shanghai. Finally, the stars aligned for them when they met on August 28, 2014 in Shanghai.
3 years later he proposed to Mount Fuji while the cherry blossoms were in bloom. This was the most romantic place and the most romantic proposal that she could ever imagine. In the last 3 years, they traveled a lot in Asia, adopted 2 cats and got married.
questions to her
On our first date…
we visited the Bund in the evening, then went to one of the biggest parks in downtown Shanghai and spent the whole night sitting on the bench and talking until 4 am.
For the first few months of dating, my deciding factor would be…
he would push me into being intimate too soon, even if he had no manners or seemed too bored.
I learned that He is the one for me when…
I got to know him better, I knew how ambitious and responsible he was. Also when I got to know his views on life and his plans, which were similar to my own plans.
I had a culture shock when He…
she got sick and refused to take pills, saying she just needed to drink more hot water!
Three things I love about him are…
1. I love that he is a very talented artist. 2. I love that he has an amazing sense of humor and makes me laugh all the time. 3. I love that he is a very open person when we are alone, he never hides his true feelings and he is honest with me.
The biggest misconception about His country and culture was…
I used to think that China is not that developed, but rather a poor country where people wear those triangular straw hats and grow rice. Large Chinese cities like Shanghai or Guangzhou are apparently even more developed than most European cities.
The most beautiful thing he did for me was…
during my first week in Shanghai. He lived in the hotel and he came to my hotel early in the morning before his work to bring me breakfast. That was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me.
During this relationship, the most important thing I learned about myself was… the fact that it should be more flexible. It’s not that important to be right all the time and sometimes you should just back off to avoid unnecessary arguments and other issues.
If there’s one piece of advice I could give my western friends who are in AMWF relationships, it would be…
that you shouldn’t look for a life partner based on their race. I believe that if someone wants to be with you just because you are white or Asian, these relationships will not last forever. We must first look at the person’s personality and soul. And if your soulmate is from a different culture, the most important thing is to keep an open mind and embrace the different culture, no matter how unusual it may seem.
questions to him
Asking her out for the first time was…
I was very nervous all night, but I felt like she was my oldest friend. We keep talking all night.
I learned that Ella is right for me when…
There was no specific moment, but those countless moments that overwhelmed me with how much I needed this person in my life. Those moments like when he left a love note in my wallet before my business trip…
I had culture shock when she…
I get culture shock very often, and that’s why I’m so attracted to it. It scares me how much he loves coffee and wine. Maybe this is not a cultural thing (we all know that coffee and red wine are not in Chinese culture), but I am more of a ‘hot water boy’. Drink more water, it’s good for your health!
Three things I love about Ella are…
1. Her compassion (she cries every time we see a stray, and we’ve helped rescue many kittens and puppies, including two of our own cats) 2. Her fairness (you never want to cut the line in front of her!) 3. His eyes!
The biggest mistake about your country and your culture was…
that Russians drink vodka. Vodka is a Russian thing, but not everyone is crazy about vodka in Russia…
The things he likes to do with me for fun are…
traveling, watching movies, exercising, reading and all the things couples do.
She hates when I…
This is a very difficult question because she is my biggest fan, she never hates what I do or say. I did not lie. Oh! She hates when I lie. Also, she’s our little ‘know-it-all’ miss, so she hates it when I give her unnecessary advice.
During this relationship, the most important thing I learned about myself was…
Growing up Chinese, I could never imagine ending up with a girl from another country. Chinese family and upbringing can be quite intense, so they didn’t allow me to stop and appreciate the present and progress. It is always about the result (exams, ranking in school and class). It’s very different from my wife’s cultural background, where they grow up with friends and siblings, have fun and go hiking all the time. There are very different environments and values.
What I have learned from our relationship is to accept and respect these differences that we have. It took us a while to fully understand this, but now I’m starting to appreciate the difference between people and culture even more. The fact is that we are all very different people, no matter what nationality or race, we will always be different. The moment when people begin to realize that they could improve their relationship with anyone, including friends, family, or co-workers, is precious. This is how we create a connection, through our differences.
If there is one piece of advice I could give to my Asian friends who are in AMWF relationships, it would be…
respect her because she is a special human being, not just because she is a westerner. If you love her because of her racial background, she will eventually disappoint you. Her racial background might be something special that draws you in at first, but there’s so much more to a person than just that. Before you dive into the serious relationship, you need to ask yourself if you see her as a woman like no other or if you put the “western label” on her. If you’re ready for option 1, let’s overcome that stereotype together.