It is not unusual for a wife to feel very frustrated and insecure when she is struggling with the marital separation that only her husband wanted. Often, she begins to try everything in her power to get him to change his mind about the breakup (or at least to get him to open up to her). she gets so discouraged that she puts her hands up and backs off a bit. She often thinks that all is lost and the situation has finally become too much.

Imagine her surprise then, when her husband suddenly starts contacting her, usually without warning. The wife is usually delighted to hear from him. But she hesitates to show her enthusiasm. Because it’s not lost on her that this change in her husband’s attitude came only after she essentially “gave up” and stopped approaching him. This may leave you wondering how you should proceed.

I might hear a wife say, “For six months, I approached my husband after he left me. The last thing I wanted was a divorce. That was the most horrible thing that could have happened in my mind. So I kept trying.” I kept calling. I kept texting. When my husband didn’t answer me, I started calling his mom. Finally, my husband got back to me and told me that I was overreacting and that I was actually making it less likely to want to see me or talk to me. That was a difficult conversation and I felt extremely rejected. And he continued to ignore me. I started to feel like there was no hope for us. Honestly, this made me feel really sad and I started to withdraw. I just let trying to make progress during our separation. As a result, I stopped calling. I stopped trying to get close to my husband to get his attention. This went on for about three weeks. Then one day, my husband called me. Dude, I thought he was just doing this because he felt guilty about our last conversation. So we talked, but I didn’t do much of that. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. But then he kept calling. And he has called every day since. He even jokes with me now and we laugh. I’m not quite sure how to handle this because he had given me up. What am I supposed to do now? How do I play this?

This is a promising situation, but consider using at least some moderation: How you play this is ultimately your decision. Nobody can do it except you. However, as someone who has been through a very similar situation, I can share some discoveries I came out with. I, too, had almost completely given up on my marriage. I finally left my husband alone. And I was also completely surprised when this seemed to draw him to me. I hear from a lot of women in this situation and without a doubt the biggest mistake people make here is that they move too fast. They hope that your interest will lead to a reconciliation and suddenly they start acting as if this is certain and imminent.

But you must realize that your husband may still have some doubts. He may just want to start talking again gradually to see where it takes him (without too much pressure). But when you assume this means a secure reconciliation, it can (and often does) cause a husband to stop calling and stop communicating. outside. Often, he would rather walk away than feel pressure or risk letting you down in the future.

Slow and steady wins the race: That is why it is my opinion that you will often do much better if you continue to take things slowly. Let me keep calling you for a while. It’s best if he initiates face-to-face meetings, but this would be the next logical step. If it’s been a while and he still hasn’t asked to see you, then you could casually see if you want to meet up for coffee or something else that can be kept very light and casual. You don’t want him to think you’re jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. For now, you just want him to continue to get closer to you.

Understand that you may still be unsure: It is important to understand their way of thinking. Often when you back off, he realizes he’s pushed you away when that’s probably not exactly what he wanted. He may have realized that he’s not quite ready to say goodbye to you forever, which is great news. But you may also not be entirely clear on whether or not you’re ready to continue with more than just talking at this point. So you don’t want to draw a line in the sand and make him think when he’s not ready for it. Instead, you want to continue at a pace that is comfortable. And you want to build on what you can.

If he is being receptive and jovial, then I would tell him to keep doing what he is doing and let him take it to the next level. There is no need to derail what appears to be working.