How to Explain Your Child’s Autism Diagnosis to Friends and Family

If your child has been diagnosed with autism, it may have been a difficult challenge to face at first. However, like other parents, she has certainly risen to the challenge and vowed to do whatever she can to help her son reach her true potential.

Another hurdle to overcome is explaining your child’s diagnosis to friends and family. They will also be interacting with your child, and they need to know that those interactions will be different from people without autism. To know how your child with autism is different from other children in your life, you will need to be educated. Here are some ideas to help you give them that information:

Give your friends and family an easy-to-understand explanation of your child’s autism diagnosis

As soon as you can, you should tell your friends and family about your child’s diagnosis. Keep your explanation as simple as possible. There is a lot of information to digest, and you don’t want to overwhelm them. They may have known that their child has some unique characteristics. It’s your job to tell them why and to get their support in your treatment. Be sure to tell them that your child’s Asperger syndrome or autism may cause some difficulties with language and social skills that may be easy for other children.

Have a short list of resources you can refer them to if they have questions. Provide only the bare minimum of detail at first, so they can process the information at a comfortable pace.

Make sure they know that autism is not a “one size fits all” condition

As you probably know, children with autism vary based on their age and where they fall on the autism spectrum. Your friends and family need to know about your child’s unique needs. While one child may wave or rock, another may sing or talk endlessly, especially on topics that interest them. Some children may be completely silent. Many children with autism have difficulty touching or making eye contact. Still others may say things that seem offensive, but don’t mean harm. Friends and family need to be prepared to understand and adapt to the challenges your child faces.

Emphasize strengths more than challenges

Many misinformed people believe that a child with autism has little hope of reaching his or her future potential. You, of course, know that this is not true. Your family and friends also need to know these facts. Although your natural inclination may be to avoid bragging, try to mention your child’s special talents, such as athletics, science, the arts, or music, to these special people in your life. They also need to focus on the positive when interacting with their child.

Explain your child’s specific challenges and how friends and family can help

Although there are some aspects of your child’s treatment plan that should remain confidential, there are some details you may want to share to allow others to help you care for your child. If your son is sensitive to touch, it’s a good idea to explain this to his family and friends beforehand so they won’t be offended when her son doesn’t shake hands. With such a child, people who are physically demonstrative of their emotions may want to back off on hugs. If your child is having difficulty making eye contact, explain it to her friends and family so they can help guide her in a positive way if that is one of her current treatment goals.

Routines are often important for children with autism. If your child becomes upset when his or her schedule is interrupted, it is important for family and friends to know that the child is not spoiled, but that this behavior is part of the child’s autistic condition.

These explanations do not mean that your family and friends should give in to all of your child’s demands. However, it does mean that they follow the goals of their treatment plan and do not expect more than the child can provide at this point in their treatment. For example, if a child with autism offends someone, the person can explain to your child how her actions hurt him, but without judging him. Positive feedback usually needs to be more than a smile, as children with autism often have difficulty “reading” visual cues. A verbal compliment plus a smile may be just what your child needs to help reinforce the behaviors that will lead to success.

Explaining your child’s autism diagnosis to siblings

Siblings may not understand why their child with autism should be treated differently than they are. Children’s sense of fairness often makes them jealous or feel that they are favoring their child with autism. Although it may be difficult, explain the reasons for the different rules. You may want to point out that because everyone is unique, their needs are different.

Above all, set aside time that you can spend with each of your other children individually in which they are the center of love and attention. Allow them to express their concerns without judgment, but be firm in your belief that each child should have their own unique needs met. Listening to your children’s needs and trying to meet those of your children without autism is just as important as meeting those of your child with autism.