What kind of future do you want for yourself?

A good self-awareness can guide you into happy territory as you go through each day. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it can start today, right now.

Just knowing that my current behaviors are driven by my past experiences is a huge boon to improving self-awareness and happiness.

So, to improve self-awareness, here is a set of questions for you:

How does my past affect me? What are my beliefs and values? Can I leave the past behind and move on? What are my thought patterns? What are my behavior patterns? What are my relationship patterns?

1. How does my past affect me?

Once you have this understanding, you can more quickly nip your reaction in the bud. So your heart rate increases, you feel hot and panicked… STOP! Take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is simply your body reacting to a situation in the past and not what is happening now. Your body is releasing chemicals and it’s not about what your boss or partner is doing right now. Know your strengths and weaknesses.

2. What are my beliefs and values?

If you know that, for example, ‘confidence’ and ‘wanting to be liked’ are important values ​​to you, the number 1 will help you, as it will explain why your reaction feels so big. It is understandable and our values ​​are important to us. If you know you have unhelpful beliefs like ‘I’m not nice’, ‘People will leave me’ and ‘Something bad will happen sooner or later’, your life script will build on this and look for things to reinforce them. beliefs. Our brain is very busy all day and will only see what it’s looking for, filtering out the things that don’t work for it (next time you dismiss a compliment, think about why you did it). Knowing that you are doing it is a big step because you will begin to notice that you are doing it and the speed with which you realize it increases. You’ll get to the point where you’ll notice it in real time, as it happens, and squash negative thoughts and feelings before they take root. Surely your body will continue to release adrenaline, we will never match the speed of our brain. We can feel it, understand it and become calm and rational, with practice.

3. Can I leave the past behind and move on?

You don’t have to be religious to forgive. Leaving the past behind is really essential here. Part of understanding our past is understanding that people/adults make mistakes. The adults who were a part of you shaping your beliefs and values ​​had their own complicated pasts to make sense of and they are far from perfect. It is already done, but it prevents you from living a happy and fulfilling life. Talk about it or just think it through. Anything that helps you come to terms with the past and start looking forward is worth your time and energy, it really is.

4. What are my thought patterns?

Our brains are filtering all day, throwing out things that don’t serve you… so ‘You did a great job’ enters your ears and in the millisecond it takes to reach your brain it becomes ‘What are you looking for? ‘ Start letting the good stuff in! Take a compliment. Be brave and check with your friend if he really means that. Ask for details if he helps. He also starts to block out some of the trash you’re letting in. When you feel like the couple in the office is complaining about you because they looked you up and down and started talking, challenge their thinking and suggest that they may be looking at your shoes and wondering where you got them from. EVEN IF you are not convinced of that, stop thinking about it and focus on something else. If you have negative thoughts about yourself or start to mind read what others are thinking, STOP again and consider other options. If you’re thinking ‘I’m useless’, remember examples in your life that prove the exact opposite.

5. What are my behavior patterns?

Behavior patterns form on the back of our thinking (and feeling) patterns. Negative thoughts often turn into negative actions. Challenging our negative or unhelpful thinking should reduce the amount of unhelpful behavior. Just start noticing what you are doing and ask yourself, what is it about? Is this response in line with the stimuli? Am I responding or am I reacting?

6. What are my relationship patterns?

Our relationships are formed around our behaviors, values, beliefs, etc. If someone thinks he is unloved and worthless, so his brain is filtering out the positive things and taking in the negative, what kind of relationships will he form? If being around people who are nice to them doesn’t fit their ‘life script’ (the plan created by early experiences that we then continue to follow and respect), they may mistrust the person’s intentions and move away from them . Similarly, if our being is reinforced with the feeling that we are a victim in life and feel bad about ourselves, we will be attracted to those who are in cahoots with this view of ourselves. Then, after a series of bad relationships, we are satisfied that ‘Yes, indeed, the world is a bad place and people will hurt me and leave me’ and ‘I am weak and easily hurt’. We may not recognize that we ourselves are choosing partners who put us down and are sabotaging anything good to create the inevitable shitty ending. However, our (negative) life script is satisfied and fulfilled.

Self-awareness is everything in the pursuit of happiness. If you are not aware that you are doing something, how can you change it? If you don’t change things, how will your future be different from how things are now?

THOSE WHO DO NOT LEARN FROM HISTORY ARE CONDEMNED TO REPEAT IT.

What kind of future do you want for yourself?