Many marital relationships become sexually stale over time and need external stimulation. This is not necessarily due to a lack of mutual love. It is more due to the pressures of life that a woman has to deal with work, children, church or volunteer work, extended family. It’s hard to juggle all of this and still be sexually alert. She doesn’t pay much attention to herself or her surroundings. However, every wife must always remember that she creates the atmosphere in the home. She is even more so because of the sexual environment in which her relationship with her husband can thrive. What are the things a woman can do to create this environment?
RENEW YOUR PHYSICAL ENVIRONMENT
The appearance of the home is very important for a good sex life. A messy house is very unattractive and can be bad for good sex. Going one step further, a house could be tidy and still feel like a boarding house, hospital, or office rather than a warm and welcoming place a man wants to go. A home should be warm and welcoming, a haven where love can thrive and sex can occur spontaneously. It is the woman who can establish this type of home. Creating the right environment goes a long way to the sexual equation between husband and wife. Most men don’t have the ability to create it, but they enjoy it when the wife has made it because they are stimulated by the things they see. That kind of environment allows things to happen naturally.
Not all women have a natural gift for creating this environment, but there are many resources available these days: magazines, books, the Internet. Any woman can get really creative with color on bed sheets, bedroom walls, and furniture. It doesn’t have to cost too much, if women put on their creative hats. However, a woman who prefers to get professional help should do so. It was worth every penny. Women should make an effort to have the best house they can have within their budget.
It’s hard to keep a cozy home when kids are growing up. They can get very dirty and make it difficult to keep the house clean and smelling nice. For women living in Africa, the situation is even more difficult. They live with extended family and maids in addition to their children. They occupy all available spaces. They bring warmth out of any home. But women still have to try. Even if the whole house is taken, there remains the room called the Holy of Holies, intended for righteous husband and wife. Wives should be the ones to draw their husbands home by the atmosphere they create by using everything available to them: the beauty and fragrance of flowers, artwork, music, colors and shadows. It will help both men and women to relax, forget about the crazy outside world and enjoy each other.
GET A MAKEOVER
That men are stimulated by what they see cannot be stressed enough. When a man gets married, he likes what he sees in his wife. However, after a few years, his wife is no longer the woman he married. All the pressures of his married status give her less time for his appearance. Then the children come and she begins to put on weight and her appearance suffers even more. Such a woman looks in the mirror a few years later and she feels bad because she is not happy with what she sees. She drives down the road, she sees younger, prettier women with her flat stomachs and begins to wonder what happened to her. Magazines and TV ads don’t make it easy for you to come to terms with what has happened to you. Of course, right now, her sex life is almost non-existent. The fire went out with the third child. When was the last time her husband took a good look at her? When was the last time she gave you a real compliment? When was the last time she told you that she was beautiful? When was the last time she had a good evening with him?
Her life has become a cycle of work, chores, children, husband, and the only thing that suffers is the woman’s body. She has no time for herself. Trying to fulfill her daily responsibilities, she doesn’t have time for regular visits to the salon. She can’t afford to buy nice things, so she flies to the store and picks up the first thing she can find to buy. Her wardrobe is dreamy and dull. However, every wife must remember that being and staying beautiful is paramount to a vibrant sex life. Not all women have to look like Naomi Campbell or Jennifer Lopez, but all women should make an effort to take care of their bodies, keep them beautiful and healthy. Husbands appreciate the efforts their wives make.
They must take the time to nourish their hair, skin, and nails. Most women go to bed with their makeup on, not paying attention to the damage being done to their skin. They do not follow any skincare routine to keep their skin young and vibrant.
Shopping for clothes is supposed to be an exciting experience, not a quick detour to the stores. No woman will be able to get clothes that bring out the best in her body or accentuate her figure, without spending quality time in the shops. To get the best value for money, a woman should set aside time to shop for what is best for her.
Some women dress so monotonously when they are at home and only dress up when they go out. They wear very unflattering boubous (long African dresses) or oversized t-shirts or shirts and old jeans. Who are they dressing up for? They have forgotten how they used to wear their best clothes every time their boyfriends came to see them. They have changed from women who wanted to impress men. After all, they have seen it all.
Husbands walk out of the house every day and see all these pretty girls with their flat bellies and made-up faces and perfectly dressed and then they come home to a wife with disheveled hair in a boubou or old t-shirts and jeans. This is what many men have to deal with, wives who no longer try to attract them. It should not be like that.
Most women never get to enjoy the pleasure of shopping for underwear. They buy black and white bras. They do the same with their panties. Meanwhile, God took the trouble to create a beautiful variety of colors between black and white: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet, the primary colors. Then in the middle we still have the peach, turquoise, mauve, navy, mustard, etc. Women should be creative in the color spectrum of their underwear. It creates a lot of joy for husbands. Creativity is the watchword. It is important for women to change their general appearance from time to time: hair, nails, clothes, underwear and everything else. It will make husbands look again and remember the good old days when it all began.
PAY ATTENTION TO BODY ODOR
A woman’s body odor is very important. Husbands should be able to describe their wives’ scent as attractive and sexy. However, smelling good requires quite a bit of effort. For starters, it costs money. It’s something women should be working on all day, every day, especially in hot, humid weather. It is worth every penny one can pay. It starts with the soap or detergent they wash your clothes with, to their bathing techniques, and then the use of perfumes and deodorants. It is very important for women to smell good to attract the attention of their husbands. It is also essential to stimulate a good sexual life.
MAKE THE EFFORT TO CONTROL THE EXCESS WEIGHT
Every time the subject of weight comes up, some woman will say, ‘here we go again’. It is true that all women cannot be as skinny as those girls on the magazine covers. It is also true that fat women are not a cursed species. However, if a woman was a size 12 when she got married, then she shouldn’t stray too far from there after marriage. It’s fair to try to keep it as close as possible to what the husband saw at first.
Aside from the health implications of being overweight, it doesn’t do the relationship any good. She still wants to fill out like the guy who chased her on campus, but she can’t feel that way when she just doesn’t look like she used to. It’s hard to stay there, but women can stay close to him. It takes time, effort, and a lot of discipline to stay the same, but it’s worth the effort. He will keep things going in the bedroom. There will be few dull moments because the husband is constantly stimulated by what he sees.
Husbands may see even more beautiful versions of the beautiful women they married. After all, when women get older and more sophisticated, with their weight properly controlled, they will look much better than when they first got married. Remember what they say about aged wine. It tastes better as it ages. This is how a woman is supposed to be: irresistible and even more attractive as she ages. As they begin to lose weight the results will be amazing. Much more attention than they have received in a long time. Better sex too. It comes as a total package.
MAKE THE EFFORT TO BE A FRIEND NOT JUST A WIFE
Sometimes women become so ‘wives’ that their husbands no longer see them as friends and partners. Of course, in that kind of relationship, sex can never be interesting or hot. At best, it would be routine. Many married men feel that they are useful to their wives to the extent that they pay the bills and do what is necessary. But they don’t see them as their trusted friends. Every woman should make an effort to be the one her husband wants to talk about anything and everything. When a husband has a great relationship with his wife, making love becomes better. He is relaxed, he is himself and there are no false airs or hidden barriers. There is openness and unity. It can only improve the experience. Being his friend makes being his wife so much easier and is definitely a plus for stimulating the sexual experience.
At the end of the day, home should be a place the husband really wants to return to. It should be warm, welcoming and friendly. It takes some work, but the benefits are worth it. Women should follow the example of the woman in Proverbs 7 who diligently sought the face of the man and found it. She induced the man ‘I have made my bed with tapestry rugs and cushions, with frayed sheets of fine linen from Egypt. I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. Come, let’s fill ourselves with love… ‘The man bought the lines from him. He did his best to get a response from the man. She went so far as to get linen from Egypt. In the same way women should prepare to seduce their husbands with everything they have. They will enjoy the rewards of sexual arousal that every married couple should enjoy.