I have been associated with over a dozen coaching and mentoring groups over the last 10 years and they all have a different perspective and self-interest on the two modalities. What gets even more confusing is the merging of different modalities from what I see as peripheral fields while trying to cash in on the hype that is coaching.
So if I’m confused, I’m guessing that it’s not just confusing for you, the user, but this confusion can serve as an impediment to you choosing the right coach or mentor for you.
Coaching, mentoring and consulting
Here’s a quick distinction. A mentor is someone you learn FROM. A coach is someone you learn WITH, and a good consultant, for the most part, a consultant’s job is to bring you the results that you might otherwise learn from the coach or mentor. The consultant agrees to “do the doing.”
“A mentor is someone you learn FROM. A coach is someone you learn WITH.”
The mentor is often described as someone who has “been there, done that,” while a coach’s primary mission is to facilitate their own self-discovery. A coach will ask more than he will answer.
The key to effective mentoring is the mentor’s ability to transfer his knowledge, wisdom, and insight so that his lessons benefit the mentee. “I’ve been there, I’ve done that” is only useful insofar as it relates to the apprentice’s day lesson.
I will illustrate the differences in coaching, mentoring and consulting with a short conversation/case study.
Customer asks, “My sales are down, I just lost a key account, and the leads in my pipeline have slowed down. What do I do?”
COACH responds: “What do you think you should do? What have you done before in a similar situation?”
MENTOR responds: “Well, once my business was affected when our industry was deregulated. What worked for me is that we compiled a database of past clients and started a campaign designed to reconnect with them by offering them an incentive to get them to interact with us again. Would something like that work for you?”
The CONSULTANT responds: “Let’s do a quick diagnosis of your current situation, identify where the gaps are, and put together a proposal to address your issues. If our proposal meets your approval and your budget, we could start work within four weeks.”
There are three basic paths to implement change:
– Do it yourself (DIY),
– Made with you (DWY) as a coach or mentor, or
– Made for you (DFY) by a consultant.
There is a fourth option, of course, and that is the Do Nothing option. Don’t call me for that!
At the beginning of any engagement, be sure to ask, “Who will do the work?”
When should I choose a coach versus a mentor?
There are some urban myths about mentoring that need to be dispelled. The main one is: “You need to have gray hair to be a mentor.” Balls! The key to being a successful mentor is your ability to impart your knowledge, wisdom, and experience to the mentee.
My lesson is not your lesson. My story is just a metaphor and as a learner you will find your own truth in my story. This is more of an art than a science.
“My lesson is not your lesson.”
Here are five situations where I recommend you seek a MENTOR instead of a coach.
1. Starting a Business: Are you looking for a map of territory previously trodden on by another (mentor) or is your journey into completely unfamiliar territory where a compass would do (coach).
If you lack business or leadership skills, hiring a mentor can accelerate your learning, as long as there is a close parallel between your lesson and your mentor’s knowledge, skills, or experience.
Up to 80% of businesses fail in the first year. This is science. This is a fact. There is a map of this territory and your mentor may have it.
2. Economic Recession: This is a business cycle, and cycles do what cycles do, ie. they repeat. A mentor with past experience of economic cycles and how to ride them, take corrective action, cut costs, lay off staff, downsize, eliminate non-core activities, refinance your business, etc. it is priceless.
There are two big caveats to these comments and they are China and the Internet. The influence of these two powers may mean that we need a compass, not a map.
Keep that in mind. Whether you experienced difficulties during the tech wreck, the global financial crisis (GFC), or the stock market crash of the 1980s, there are wise heads out there who have navigated their way out of similar cycles. Until recently many young Australian entrepreneurs had not seen a heavy rain let alone an economic downturn.
3. Crisis recovery: Is the mantra “been there, did that” likely to bring you comfort and provide a solution to your challenge? If someone else’s lesson has parallels for you and your lesson, choose a mentor. You may have to take a long bow to find the parallels, but it’s not the facts that are relevant, but rather the attitude of mind, resilience, temperament, or even just an objective opinion. I loved hearing my grandfather’s stories from a bygone era. He tapped into my creative mind, let loose my imagination, and opened my heart to empathy.
4. Merger and Acquisition – There are two ways to grow a business, either organically or through acquisition. Mergers and acquisitions is such a highly technical field that it is highly desirable to have the help of a specialist. There’s a good chance you’ll have a team of professional advisers working on the deal, but a mentor can offer you comfort in ways that professional advisers cannot.
5. Life after death: When you leave a business, a career or a long-term relationship, your whole world is turned upside down. Some of life’s events are best shared with someone who not only has empathy, but shares that special bond, that kinship, that you won’t find in other relationships. A mentor is not tough, but when the occasion warrants, she will support and challenge him. The art is finding the delicate balance between the two roles and reading what you need at any given time.
Here are five situations where I recommend you seek a COACH instead of a mentor.
1. Greenfields Territory: The map and compass analogy I used earlier is quite a distinction. When you enter completely unfamiliar territory, the question you ask may be more inductive than deductive. A coach can facilitate his self-discovery, this exploration of the brave new world.
2. The deeper question of WHY? Many people get stuck with HOW TO questions. However, if you explore your purpose, much of the detail becomes apparent. A coach can lead you into a deeper dialogue with yourself. Once you answer the question, “Why do you do what you do?” you have a context to answer all other questions. You are no longer operating in a vacuum but in a larger hologram where everything is interconnected. It is an extremely powerful place from which to play life.
3. Use of diagnostic tools: Coaches have access to a wide range of diagnostic tools from personality profiles, leadership inventory, behavior type indicators, business profiles, communication style and many business coaches also have access to a wide range of business diagnostic tools and indicators. . Make sure you know the range of your trainer. Many coaches are trained in psychology schools with little or no business acumen.
4. Business Acumen: If you’re looking for a business coach, know this: the quality of your questions will determine the quality of your (business) life. Evaluate the level of business acumen that your coach/mentor possesses regardless of whether he has “been there, done that.” Business is a game. It has its rules, language, measures of success, strategies, formulas, structures, and whether you are a coach or a mentor, your guide must know the game, how it is played, and how it can be won.
5. Responsibility: In a world of procrastinators, the main benefit of a coach is responsibility. You can have the best plans, the greatest intention, all the wisdom of Solomon, but if you don’t implement them, it won’t help.
There you go. This is one man’s opinion and I’m sure he will find many others. When you get a divergent opinion, do yourself a favor and ask if the reviewer has a personal opinion, and if so, what is it?