A couple with breast cancer must also focus on themselves…
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the demands of caring for a partner or spouse with breast cancer. You don’t want to stop feeling like a husband or partner, but at the same time, you don’t want to let yourself resent. There isn’t always a medal or thank you at the end of the day, and if you don’t take care of yourself, you could burn out or lash out when you really don’t want to.
There are a few ways that will ensure that you can stay calm and be the best husband you can be for breast cancer.
1. Get organized in the coming months
Once your wife’s breast cancer is diagnosed, the first thing you’ll want is a bird’s-eye view of the coming months. Make sure you know if conflicts are coming. Take a calendar and write down the dates of any surgery, if you know the dates of chemotherapy or radiation, write them down as well. If you don’t know this right now, don’t worry, just write down what you do know. Even this will help. Overlap this with kids’ school holidays, family vacations, your own work commitments including conferences, sales calls. Every time you see a conflict, give it a big circle and start figuring out how to resolve it.
2. Get organized for the next week
When you’re in the middle of surgery or chemotherapy, it’s sometimes hard to keep track of everything. Be sure to check out the following week with your wife on a Saturday afternoon. Do you have a plan that you will pick up your wife from her breast cancer surgery or mastectomy when she has a presentation that cannot be avoided at all? And that happens at the same time that your daughter has a ballet concert! It’s best to watch these matchups early on so you can work on avoiding them.
3. Ask for help
Friends, colleagues, and neighbors often want to help but don’t know what to offer. If you have something specific you need help with, like picking up some medicine from the pharmacy or picking up your child from school, now is the time to ask. There is no point in pushing yourself to the point of bursting. You will not be able to help your partner with breast cancer as well as you would like. If someone asks if she can help and you think it’s sincere, you might suggest that she help prepare a meal for the family in a few days. Something that can be frozen if needed.
4. Make space for yourself
This is probably the most important. This is what will prevent you from burning yourself. It can be an individual activity, like walking or meditating, or a group activity, like a team sport or a club you participate in. It should be included in the weekly family schedule as a priority.
Breast cancer can be all-consuming. It is up to you to take some steps to help protect yourself so that you can better support your wife with breast cancer.