Look for the gifts and the lessons
Do you think of a current negative situation that you are struggling with? It can be related to a relationship, finances, health or something close and personal to you. I am not ruling out the force of your emotions, but rather I invite you to resist labeling the situation negative for now. Having endured countless challenges over the years, what seemed like a negative experience resulted in the greatest contribution to my personal growth. Later, when the pieces of the puzzle were put together, I could see how things worked perfectly for my highest good.
I don’t know why bad things happen to good people sometimes. For example, a loving husband or wife tragically struck by a drunk driver is paralyzed for life. The elderly couple who lose their life savings to an unscrupulous investor. The only son to succumb to cancer. I’m just as curious as you are why these things happen, but I’ve found there is no point in trying to make sense of it. Instead, we should see how these experiences can enhance our growth. I believe that there is a God, not a religious God represented by the dominant religion, but a universal and creative energy field that functions as God. This infinite field is contained within everything in the universe. You might want to call it source, universe, or nothing at all, that’s fine, but it helps to believe in a greater force that co-creates our life deep down.
I mention this because with the death of my father and my illness two decades ago; I believe that this energy field is present in all experiences, good or bad. When we label an experience negative, we are taking a snapshot of what is happening in that moment. We have no idea what’s next or if things will get better. For example, if you receive a speeding ticket, it makes sense to label the experience negative. But what if there is a more important reason for getting the speeding ticket that is clarified later? British writer Alan Watts wrote: “The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it is really impossible to say whether something that happens in it is good or bad.”
This idea is illustrated in more detail in the story of the Chinese farmer: Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That night, his neighbors came to commiserate. They said, “We are sorry that your horse ran away. This is most regrettable.” The farmer said, “Maybe.” The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses and in the evening the neighbors came back and said, “Oh, it’s not that lucky. What a great turn of events. Now you have eight horses!” The farmer exclaimed again: “Maybe.” The next day her son tried to break one of the horses and, while riding it, he fell and broke his leg. The neighbors then said: “My God, that’s a shame” and the farmer replied again: “Maybe”. The next day, the recruiting officers came to recruit people into the army and rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Once again, the neighbors came over and said, “It’s not great!” Once again, he said, “Maybe.”
Life is a self-organizing system
The bottom line, as Alan Watts refers to, is that nature is an integrated process of immense complexity and we cannot tell if something is good or bad until the picture is complete. Even the events that occur in this life, which we consider negative, could be useful for the next generation. That is why we should not label the experiences as negative, but look for the lessons and growth within those experiences. Are you comfortable with this idea so far? I hope you are open to the idea that life is conspiring for you, even if it doesn’t seem like that at times. I am not asking you to change your mind or forcing you to adopt a belief that you are not comfortable with. I am simply inviting you to immerse yourself in the possibility that life, the universe, the source, God or whatever you call it, is supporting you beyond the realm of possibility.
Life can be complex as well as simple, and it is difficult to know how to live up to this understanding. But we must resist naming and labeling situations as negative because we set ourselves up for disappointment. We create the perception that life is against us, where in fact, life flows through us. It requires moving away from the drama and seeking the lessons and important growth contained in our experiences. So I ask you: can you give yourself the gift of seeing your current misery through the lens of growth? Are you willing to stop labeling situations negative and ask, “What does most of me need to learn from this experience?” Ask yourself, “Why is this experience presenting itself to me and who do I need to become to overcome it?”
Ultimately, we can choose to view our experiences as good or bad, but that is a limiting view. Because life is a self-organizing system, we must relax in the knowledge that things will often work out on their own with little interference from us.. If we add a limiting belief to what is happening, we add more dirt to a dirty lens. But if we consider that although things seem unpleasant now, we are willing to seek lessons and change our perception of what is happening. Ask life to show you why this experience is happening and who you will become because of it. Only then will you transcend all negative situations and life will have more meaning.