Too many people expect to be respected by others when they themselves do not act respectfully. Once you learn to respect yourself, you will attract the respect of others. Here are some guidelines for learning to respect yourself.
“I want him to respect me.”
“If people respect me, I will respect them.”
“My children must respect me (no matter how I treat them).”
If you don’t respect yourself, you will never respect others.
People who respect themselves
1. Think about how your behavior affects the people around you.
2. Consider what they say before you blurt out hurtful words
3. Understand the golden rule according to Eugene Brown, LPC (my former supervisor and mentor): Do unto others what they should do.
4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood (Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)
5. Take responsibility for their behavior
6. Let go of the need to hold grudges.
Let’s look at these six ideas about self-respect:
1. Think about how your behavior affects the people around you.
Self-respecting people realize that they don’t live in a vacuum; their behavior affects others. They think about what they do and ask themselves, “How will my __________ affect the people I care about/my co-workers/other people I come in contact with?” They carefully weigh the consequences before acting.
2. Consider what they say before you blurt out hurtful words
When self-respecting people get into disagreements with others, they act diplomatically. Yes, they experience anger like the rest of us, but they choose their responses instead of allowing a knee-jerk reaction to determine what happens next. They realize that hurtful words will not help their partner understand what is wrong and will damage the relationship.
3. Understand the golden rule according to Eugene Brown, LPC (my former supervisor and mentor): Do unto others what they should do.
This relates to understanding that your behavior affects others. They realize that just because they would like something to be done a certain way, others may not agree. They take the time to learn how others should be treated, rather than simply using a “one size fits all” approach.
4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood (Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)
Self-respecting people understand the value of active listening. They know that if people feel understood, they are more likely to listen to another person’s point of view. Self-respecting people do not try to impose their views on others so that they are understood first. They are willing to work to earn the respect and trust of the other person.
5. Take responsibility for their behavior
This means that they are willing to admit when they are wrong. They are comfortable with themselves and do not feel threatened if they make a mistake. His ego is not tied to the need to always be right. This also means that the self-respecting person lets others be responsible for their behavior, letting go of the need to control or change them.
6. Let go of the need to hold grudges.
Self-respecting people find that when they hold a grudge, they keep themselves trapped in anger and resentment. They know that they will continue to grow as people when they allow others to be responsible for their behavior instead of holding a grudge to try to get others to change.