As Carl Rogers said, “The main barrier to mutual interpersonal communication is our very natural tendency to judge, evaluate, approve or disapprove.” Approval usually comes when my perceptions of your behavior match my assumptions of how I think you should behave. It’s time to stop supporting each other and start ACCEPTING US with our differences. This does not mean that we always have to agree with each other; just accepted

People perceive things differently due to differences in cultural/ethnic background, personal experiences, personality styles, gender differences, attitudes and beliefs, etc. This diversity can affect our ability to communicate with each other. Therefore, it is important to keep an open mind about such differences so that we can reduce the likelihood of communication breakdowns.

We are not only faced with ethnic and cultural diversity in the workplace, we are also faced with

different management styles
different learning styles
different decision-making styles
Different personalities
Different genres

A deeper awareness of how men and women communicate differently is necessary to prevent these gender differences from leading to resentment, increased productivity and stress in the workplace.
Research indicates that men and women are socialized differently and consequently have different styles of speaking. In her bestselling book, You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, Deborah Tannen says that the sexes often speak practically different languages. She calls it “report talk” vs. “inform speak”.

Men and women, and their different languages.

Men tend to use “report talk” to convey information and conceit, while women tend to use “report talk” to establish intimacy and connection. Tannen says that women will then see men as self-centered and domineering, while men will see women as illogical and insecure. What results? Accusations that are hurtful. Men will accuse women of asking for advice and then not taking it, of wandering about nothing, and of being incapable of making decisions. Women will accuse men of not listening, invalidating their feelings, and always stepping in to solve problems with lots of “you shoulds.”

Speak different languages ​​at work.

In the workplace, these differences affect the way messages are sent and received, leading to communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, and great frustration. For example, a supervisor seeks a conversation with her boss about a problematic situation she is having with one of her employees. Her intention for her meeting is to inform her boss of the problem. She just wants him to listen to her, rephrase, and repeat what she is saying so that she can be more clear about how she wants to proceed. Maybe he would ask you some probing questions about options etc. Instead, she begins to tell him what she should do with the troublesome employee. She gets frustrated and leaves, feeling that she wasted her time. She feels that she has solved the problem and that it is time to move on.

…and then at home

Bringing this situation home, the wife wants to discuss a problem she is having with her husband, and he steps in with the solution before she has had a chance to process her options. She gets upset and walks out of the room saying, “You just never listen!”

An immediate translation is what is needed

In both scenarios, some very important communication skills are missing. First of all, the woman must be honest about what she wants from the man. “I would really appreciate it if you could help me process this problem by listening to me and asking questions,” is one way for her to be clear at first. If she decides that she wants her advice, she can ask for it. If she doesn’t tell you what she wants at first, it might be wise to ask, “Do you want my advice or just someone to listen to you?”
Having a deeper awareness of gender differences will help you increase understanding, decrease tension, and improve teamwork.
It’s crucial to accept differences and realize that there may, in fact, be alternative ways of doing things. We would do well to listen to each other and be more open to learning from our differences rather than allowing them to stifle our growth and our ability to communicate with each other.

As we move into the next decade, we will need to learn how to build and maintain better relationships with customers and co-workers so that we can create higher quality and productivity in an ever-changing world. The best way to do this is to hone your communication skills and accept that people are different and that’s okay. Follow these tips:

keep an open mind
Accept and understand differences.
If in doubt, check that it works
take time to talk talk
Create an environment where people feel safe sharing ideas/opinions

(c) Nancy Stern2004