This quote from the book “Who Moved My Cheese” warns people not to get complacent in their work, to watch for signs that things might be changing, that the company might be in trouble, and that they could be lose jobs.
It was the third time Glen had been fired. He smelled the cheese but didn’t want to worry his wife Toni so he didn’t discuss it. Of course, after many years of marriage, Toni knew something was wrong. Glen was quiet and surly and not himself. Then the announcement came and he had to tell Toni. Having been through it twice before, he didn’t make it any less traumatic. It was still very demoralizing for both of them!
Losing a job brings with it many fears. What will I do now? This was my identity. Who am I now? What about finances? We will be fine? Will we be able to pay our bills, buy groceries, what about health insurance? We are not getting any younger. How long will it take to find another job? Will we run out of savings? Will we be able to take another vacation? These are some of the fears faced by people who have just lost their job.
Toni, of course, had many of the same thoughts and some of her own. Can we get over this one more time? Will I have to work more hours? Will I be able to physically do it? Will I be able to emotionally support Glen while he looks for a new job? How will this affect our relationship? Will he survive another job loss? Will my friends understand? Will they care? Will they offer me emotional support? Or will they just tell me that everything will be fine if I have a positive outlook?
So many questions, but so few answers. The days go by, the weeks go by. Glen searches, goes to job fairs, sends out resumes. I suggest to Toni that Glen read “Who Moved My Cheese”, it would be helpful for both of them. It is about change and how to process it.
After two months, a good lead comes from the recruiter. It’s the kind of work Glen does, but the problem is that he’s in a town three hours away. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. Glen has a phone interview. He feels pretty good and then more time goes by. The recruiter says it’s important to be patient. Then comes the good news, they want Glen to come for an interview. He thinks he’s doing well, but again he has to wait. Again, the recruiter tells him to be patient. Glen is nervous and Toni doesn’t know how to help. If she doesn’t get the job, she’ll be sorely disappointed. If he gets the job, it means a big move. So much to think about, so much excitement.
They finally listen again! Glen gets the job. Hurrah! They are prepared for the challenges that come their way. They will “Move Your Cheese”.
It’s been three months since Glen started his new job. It got a good review. Toni has moved to the southwest coast of Florida now and has a huge head start on a job in her chosen profession. They put an offer on a house. They have settled in her new town and in her new circumstances. The future is bright!
When Linda first sent me her story, I could tell she had heard what I said during that difficult time and what she wasn’t saying, she seems like a loyal friend and mind reader. Some of the time I felt I needed to be brave about this financial crisis during our weekly phone conversations, as Linda had tragically lost her husband a year earlier, and how this compared to what I was going through. I have come to realize that the tides turn, not only for bodies of water, but also for lasting friendships. To me, it felt like a smooth rhythm as we took turns listening, talking, and sharing the ups and downs of our weeks.
Unbelievable that almost a year has passed since that phone call Glen had been so anxiously awaiting. We knew we had better options than most, but it’s never easy and starting over when you’re so close to retirement is scary. Going through savings, unexpected medical expenses when the policy you buy is basically a high deductible major medical plan that lands you in a hospital. So many people telling us that we would be fine, when in reality it was a very emotional time, plus the older you are, the harder it is to start over somewhere else.
We start a journal for ourselves, full of information about moving, neighborhoods, things to do, etc. In reality, my journal was full of painting, packing, moving fragile possessions on long weekend trips as I continued to work for a few months until I moved into the temporary apartment. Glen was learning the ropes at his new job and finding local running and biking groups. The activities were the emotional and physical release of him. Working to be supportive and doing everything I had to do was emotionally and physically exhausting, finding my dance and art groups soothed the hard days.
Once I relocated, I began to explore our new city. First it was the glorious sunsets that mesmerized me, snapshot after snapshot taken that fills my phone’s camera roll. We had always enjoyed kayaking and looking for herons, egrets and rosette spoonbills and here they were at my back door every night. I took this as a sign that this place was where we needed to be.
Relocating is lonely when you’re losing your community. I kept remembering how my mother moved and what made it easier for her to move at my age. I found all my interests; online classes, art studios and wonderful volunteer organizations. Finding my niche, offering my talents gave me something to look forward to. Telling about my adventures and posting photos allowed me to show others that I was okay. Communicating on social media was helpful, but many times I miss my close friends that everyone needs, your A-team when you want to sit back and be yourself. Those people can’t be replaced, and finding new ways to connect meant frequent travel and time spent on the phone.
I was very lucky to find a job and be part of a new comprehensive wellness program. While I can, I want to see the look on someone’s face when I’ve given them a massage during their cancer treatment and hear them say how grateful they are for my touch. I am grateful that my passion and life’s work are one and that I am able to continue to offer a touch of therapeutic comfort during difficult times for survivors of cancer treatment.
I recently played a game with my grandchildren when they were visiting and took them to see the pups at Southeastern Guide Dogs. It was spring break and the line was long, and the wait is very hard when you’re young. Remembering the AT&T commercial where the man sits at the children’s table and keeps asking them questions to make them think. So I asked my trio, “what’s worse, waiting in line to play with puppies or NEVER watching TV or seeing your parents or visiting ever again?” It was good to have that perspective, and sometimes it helps to ask ourselves the hard questions. Life is not always easy, sometimes so difficult, you wonder why try? Fading away and then a smile, a song, a sunset reminds you that “The tides turn and have faith.” Sometimes it’s not just moving the cheese, but also cutting away the hardened edges, a bit of old mold, that helps to see the new possibilities.
We have a new life in a new home with views of the sunset over the pond every night. Work we enjoy, hobbies that keep us young and engaged. It was easy, right? Was it necessary, yes? Feeling grateful and resilient and putting those good feelings into the times to come that will make you scream, “for real, again.”