You’ve been up since 5 am. Food, diapers, laundry, meals, emails, food and more food. You flop into bed exhausted at 11pm, praying that your baby sleeps for five straight hours. You look at your husband who has that little twinkle in his eye. “Sex now? No way! Turn over and go to sleep dear!”
It is a family scene for families with small children. As a mom, you’re too tired for any kind of sex, let alone good sex. But you know that a physical relationship with your husband is part of a healthy marriage. You feel bad for not wanting sex, but you’re too tired to do anything about it. So how can you reignite your desire for intimacy, even with a new baby?
1. Put it in the background, but don’t forget it. Having a baby requires a great deal of time, work, and energy. Sex may have to take a backseat when your baby needs it. But just like you wouldn’t put food on the back burner for weeks, don’t forget about sex entirely. When the time is not right for you, tell your spouse that you would really like to make love at another time, how about the weekend? Set a real time and stay committed. Food left in the background will eventually spoil and the same goes for closeness in marriage if lovemaking is neglected for too long.
2. Put your mind to it. His brain weighs a little over three pounds, but it has 12 billion cells with thousands of thoughts burning through it every day. These thoughts determine what you think of yourself and what your actions will be. If you keep telling yourself, “I’m too tired to have sex” or “I don’t want my husband to see me naked,” guess what? You will act on these thoughts and avoid sex indefinitely. Why not think of yourself as a lover? Retrain your mind and paint a different picture of yourself as the woman your husband dreams of. Be sure to think every day: “I am a sexy woman, desired by my husband. I am looking forward to being intimate with my spouse.”
3. Put it on the calendar. When your baby has an appointment at the doctor’s office, do you go? Of course. Events written on the calendar are held with a specific time and place. The same applies to making love. She begins by putting in her schedule a special time for romance with her husband. Anticipate a great time together. She will have so much energy and feel so close to her husband that she will schedule her next date right away.
Having a new baby means making adjustments in your marriage. As she makes time for sex, she will find that her husband is more responsive to her needs. She’ll be making more diapers and helping with the baby so you can get ready for your date nights at home. Now that’s something to get you in the mood!
Today’s Action Step: Talk to your husband about this article, “Sex and the New Mom.” Schedule some time in the next two weeks to make love.