Children misbehave for a reason and once we understand what that reason is, we are much closer to finding a solution to deal with it. Here is a list of some of the most common reasons that children misbehave:

1. ATTENTION

Everyone has a basic need to be noticed. If children feel like they are not being noticed, they will find a way to get our attention, and often the easiest way is to misbehave. Negative attention is better than nothing. If we’re in our day, doing our own thing, and we suddenly realize that our child is off limits in some way, we stop what we’re doing and try to get him to stop. It worked. They got our attention.

2. NEED FOR POWER OR CONTROL

Aside from attention, we also have a basic need to feel like we have power and control in our lives. If we don’t feel like we have it, we look for ways to get it. Children will say “no” just to gain control or do the opposite of what we ask them, for the same reason. They will discuss with us. They will enter a power struggle. If they feel like their day is being completely orchestrated by someone else, they will find a way to regain some control.

3. UNCLEAR LIMITS

If children don’t know how far they can go or if the rules are vague and inconsistent, many will do tests to find out exactly where the limits are. There’s a conversation in your head that goes something like this: “I wonder if I do this, I’ll get in trouble” or “The last time I did this, no one said anything. I think I’ll try again. And see what happens” or “I’m not sure what’s right and what’s wrong. I’m going to find out for myself.”

4. ANGER AND HOSTILITY IN THE HOME

Children are extremely sensitive to everything that happens around them. If parents continually fight in front of their children or the tension is so intense that everyone can feel it, all those feelings are picked up. They will also respond if we get distracted by something that bothers us. It makes children feel insecure and fearful. Those feelings translate into anger. Their hostile behavior can be a direct reflection of what they are picking up at home.

5. PHYSICAL UPSET

Young children will misbehave when they are tired or hungry. Many older children will too, but they are better able to recognize the signs. It is very easy to overstimulate a young child by doing too many activities in one day. They can go into a state of stimulation overload that irritates most people, including children. Some can be more active than others, so knowing your child’s threshold is important.