The pain and heartache of going through a divorce or separation is one like no other. Just the thought of never being with the love of your life again is unbearable.

The good news is that there are ways to get back together. She loved you once and there is no reason why she can’t love you again. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are.

Here is my 5 step approach on how to get your wife back.

1. Space. Women often need more time and space to deal with things. Let her do it on her own time. Don’t try to force her to talk early if she doesn’t want to. Each woman is different and unique and the time they may want apart is too.

2. Understand where you went wrong. Their separation did not magically happen one day. It was the result of actions over a period of time. Be completely honest and find a way to change the mistakes you made.

3. Determine what you want to say and how you want to say it before you meet her. Make it a goal to simply try to improve the relationship each time you meet. Don’t try to get her back in one night because it’s very hard to do. Instead, make her laugh and be happy to be around you again. If you constantly make her feel better and better every time you meet, she will surprise you how quickly she will come back to you.

4. Make the effort to improve your appearance. Chances are you’ve let your appearance diminish over time. Go to the gym and lose a few kilos, get a decent haircut and nice new clothes. You will be amazed at the difference you feel and how other people feel towards you.

5. Make her feel very special. What things did she love when they were together? Did she love shopping or dining or seeing a show or movie? You should know how to make her feel good again. Use this to your advantage.