Relationship

How I got my boyfriend to listen to me (and stop trusting his friend so much)

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Calmly, I kept quiet and listened. So I said, “Tell me more.” Then I was silent again. And she listened some more. And took notes. (In case you haven’t listened closely enough.)

So I thanked him for his help and told him I’d think about it. I praised him for making such a great suggestion. And I thanked him for listening to me.

What just happened?

I just demonstrated exactly what I did to get closer to my boyfriend so he would listen to me. During that time, I was not happy with his relationship with another woman and it was driving me crazy. But still I managed to stay calm.

As I did?

I did it by learning to better understand men.

To be more specific, I learned about

  1. How do men listen to women?
  2. What makes a man NOT want to listen to a woman…
  3. What encourages a man to trust his lover…
  4. What makes a man unwilling to trust a woman he loves…
  5. And so I found out…
    • Men can listen better when you want help solving a problem; Tell him what you want from him BEFORE you start talking; Pick a good time.
    • A man stops listening when there are too many words; He cannot follow unrelated thoughts; He’s not sure what to do when you’re being overly emotional or feeling guilty.
    • The most important thing a man needs to trust someone is the feeling of security.
    • A man will not trust a woman he loves if he is afraid of her reaction; or he keeps trying to tell her what to do (like her mother).

So how is my understanding of men different from yours?

It’s different because most women don’t really understand men. They think so, but they are actually wrong. And this misconception is what makes most women keep talking to their boyfriend… the same way they would treat a close friend.

I know because I used to do that too… And I can share with you that my ignorance didn’t improve my relationship with my husband. It only made things worse…

The more he tried to keep her from talking to her close friend, the more he thought he was crazy…he felt he was unsafe…the less willing to talk to me. He was terrifying. Very scary.

So what did I do? I finally gave up and admitted my ignorance.

So I decided to do myself a favor and put my energy into understanding men better.

  1. I read books.
  2. I attended seminars.
  3. I watched videos.
  4. I did a lot. But nothing much really changed.

Until I discovered a book that melted my heart. The more I read it, the more compassionate I felt towards men. And that’s when things really started to change.

So what can you do to better understand men?

  1. You can read books.
  2. Talk to people who really understand men.
  3. Find out for yourself.
  4. And a lot lot more.

But really, I encourage you to keep doing it until you feel your heart start to melt.

Because that’s a real sign that you’ve really started to understand men better. And that’s when it will be easy for you…

  1. Take it easy, be quiet and listen.
  2. Say ‘Tell me more’.
  3. Keep quiet again. And listen some more.
  4. Take some notes (in case you didn’t listen carefully enough).
  5. Thank you for your help.
  6. Praise him for his suggestions.
  7. Thank him for listening.

And that’s when you can finally earn their trust…

To make him feel understood enough… Safe enough… And eager to confide in you almost everything about himself.

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