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Empathy or equanimity?

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Empathy is the ability to listen to a person in trouble and literally open your mind so that all problems, worries, negative emotions, trauma and anxiety flow to you. You literally feel the pain as you balance the garbage so that the other person starts to feel better as the weight is transferred from their shoulders to yours. This is basically what therapy is about, or starts out as.

Equanimity is then the exact opposite of empathy, as it is an inner state of total deflection from external negativity, misery, and annoyance. This means that whatever internal emotional state you find yourself in is very stable, completely created by you and other people’s misfortunes or problems mean nothing to you on a mental/emotional level.

A quick overview of these two concepts makes you think that empathy is service to others, while equanimity is service to self. But is that in black and white?

The advantage of empathy is that people will love to seek you out and open their hearts to you, if that is what you want to master this skill. Also, empathy doesn’t necessarily mean that you only use it to acquire negative feelings, but rather that you could use it to accumulate some positivity and greatness for yourself when you surround yourself with uplifting people. The downside is that it can be hard to switch off that connection in places where there’s little joy to go around. Also, it can take time to get rid of the miseries you’ve suffered in a ‘session’. Empathy is improving the world through suffering (or the easing of suffrage).

The advantage of equanimity is that you fully accept the concept that your thoughts create your circumstances. It is also the way to live in total harmony and emotional balance as opposed to the roller coaster of empathic life. Whatever you face, you will not be paralyzed, discouraged or disappointed, whether it be things or people that affect your goals. The downside of this is that it may be difficult for you to spontaneously rejoice in your own or someone else’s lucky events. You could also become somewhat of a recluse as people don’t find much interest in spilling their guts on you, because they feel distant in your presence. Equanimity is improving the world by leading by example (such as showing people that you are calm and unwavering when faced with otherwise stressful, scary, or unhappy events).

However, equanimity should not be confused with indifference. Or that a person becomes incapable of acting. Or even that person is not afraid or affected by immediate danger. It could be described as total clarity of the present moment, but without emotions influencing his decision making or mindset.

I believe that each person is innately oriented towards one of these concepts more than the other, as with an MBTI preference. Although one cannot experience both concepts simultaneously, the question is whether one can master them and use whichever state of mind suits a given situation. This would mean that you can have the pros of both and focus on lessening the impact of the cons of each of the ones I mentioned.

Personally, I have always followed the discipline of fairness very strongly. Naturally, empathy has seemed like something I want to avoid, as I feel I have to move towards equanimity. I guess if I started practicing empathy with a lot of effort, then my level of equanimity would suffer. But I don’t rule out the possibility that a person can make that mental switch with the same ease with which he pushes a button.

What I do suggest is that a person choose a side, any side. And from there, it’s all about improving your chosen skill as much as possible to help balance society in the right direction. Both abilities aim to reach a balance, either internally within each individual or later on the level of interrelationships. So unless you’re someone who considers themselves capable of mastering both states whenever they want, my best bet is to focus on the one that feels right for you and constantly practice it to make it even better.

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